Archive for June, 2009

Productivity Fail

June 30, 2009

8:17 a.m. – Left for work

8:42 a.m. – Picked up gas station donuts

8:56 a.m. – Got to work four minutes early [totally sounds like this should be a productive day, non?]

9:11 a.m. – Left work to return home for surprise trampoline installation [this is when I really should have realized the day was going to shit]

10:15 a.m. – Left home for work. Again.

10:22 a.m. – Call from sitter. Sick kid.

10:42 a.m. – Arrived home. Again.

10:43 a.m. – Decided I would get day’s workload done from home. No blog tripping, no Facebooking.

10:47 a.m. – Found this video on the blog Lauren’s Bite and posted it to my Facebook.

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World’s Dirtiest Thesaurus

June 28, 2009

I’ve spent all afternoon writing a wildly pornographic Twilight-based fan fiction story.  Yes, I know it’s Sunday, but my morals and interests are awkwardly juxtaposed.

I never realized in reading erotica how difficult it is to come up with new and interesting words to describe a sex act; the seven dirty words lose much of their value when repeated ad nauseum.  I was boring myself with my own fantasy.

When I’m writing non-porn–which I do fairly often–I have my trusty thesaurus nearby.  Unfortunately, Webster saw fit to skip frustratingly from “pushover” to “put” with nary a mention of the word I was looking for.  Similarly, I was sad to find “coax” immediately followed by “code”, and that “tissue” went straight to “title”.  I had a glimmer of hope when I found “breast” right where it was supposed to be, but it was quickly squelched when the first synonym turned out to be “thorax”.

Edward unbuttoned Bella’s blouse and then gently cupped her thorax in his elegant hand.

That just won’t do, now will it?

Then, Edward’s own words came to me:  You can Google it. And I did.

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Attention Whore

June 25, 2009

I’ve grown tired of being jealous of other WordPress commenters whose names link to their blogs, so I’m getting one of my own.  Because, if the title didn’t already clue you in, I’m an attention whore of epic proportions.

It’s true that most people who blog do so because they think their lives, their thoughts and their passions are infinitely interesting to other people.  This is true approximately 0.007% of the time.  Blogging is the new karaoke:  people did karaoke because they thought they could sing (or because they were drunk); people blog because they think they can write (or because they are drunk).  Based on no study at all I conclude that there are more blogs than blog readers.  Why?  Because we are attention whores.

While whoring, I owe it to myself to at least be a little bit interesting, which usually means one of two things:
1.  Writing about pop culture*
2.  Revealing completely inappropriate things about my life to complete strangers

Chances are good I’m going to spend a lot of time on item 2, since I spend too much time researching item 1 to actually write about it. 

This little primer is getting a bit awkward, being a blog post about blogging.  It was suggested to me that I start an anti-blog blog, to prove how edgy I am, but coming up with content was a bitch.

*Sure, you may be interested in other things.  I read political blogs all the time, and find a fair number of them fascinating–when they write about pop culture.