World’s Dirtiest Thesaurus

I’ve spent all afternoon writing a wildly pornographic Twilight-based fan fiction story.  Yes, I know it’s Sunday, but my morals and interests are awkwardly juxtaposed.

I never realized in reading erotica how difficult it is to come up with new and interesting words to describe a sex act; the seven dirty words lose much of their value when repeated ad nauseum.  I was boring myself with my own fantasy.

When I’m writing non-porn–which I do fairly often–I have my trusty thesaurus nearby.  Unfortunately, Webster saw fit to skip frustratingly from “pushover” to “put” with nary a mention of the word I was looking for.  Similarly, I was sad to find “coax” immediately followed by “code”, and that “tissue” went straight to “title”.  I had a glimmer of hope when I found “breast” right where it was supposed to be, but it was quickly squelched when the first synonym turned out to be “thorax”.

Edward unbuttoned Bella’s blouse and then gently cupped her thorax in his elegant hand.

That just won’t do, now will it?

Then, Edward’s own words came to me:  You can Google it. And I did.

Search query:  porn+thesaurus. And here we find the Mondoerotica Sex & Porn Thesaurus.

Some of my faves:

Charlies for Bella’s boobs.  Might get confusing in a Twilight fan fic, since Charlie is Bella’s dad.

Charles the Bald for Edward’s pépé.  Again with the Charlie reference. FTW?

English muffins for their bottoms.  At least this doesn’t have incestuous undertones, but it may cause an international incident.  Also, reminds me too much of Robert Pattinson, causing me to become paralyzed with embarrassment and unable to continue writing.

The bad news is that for all the dirty words offered by the porn thesaurus, I didn’t pick up anything new that I could use.  I’m going to have to get creative.  Hopefully, one day I’ll be a wealthy woman and will be able to pay people to get creative for me.

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2 Responses to “World’s Dirtiest Thesaurus”

  1. ipunchwerewolves Says:

    have mercy! you just can’t drop a bomb like this and not post a link to said fanfic! please please please …

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