“Little Ashes”, in Tweets

LittleAshesI didn’t plan for this to be a Rob Pattinson blog, and I still don’t, because there are already a shit-ton of awesome ladies doing that job*.  However, this week my Rob DVD collection arrived (“Bad Mother’s Handjobbook”, “The Haunted Airman”, “How to Be” and “Little Ashes”), and I can’t think about anything else, much less blog about it.

I’d seen all of the movies online already, apart from “Little Ashes”.  After several false starts, I decided I should approach the film the same way I approach mediocre sex:  by drinking an entire bottle of wine first. Now, before the advent of Twitter, this would have resulted in my friends and co-workers receiving a disjointed series of drunken texts from me, but today I have the technology available to drunk Tweet the entire world.  I am nothing if not on the cutting edge of the intoxicated abuse of technology.

So here is a synopsis of “Little Ashes”, as drunkenly Tweeted by me.  There are spoilers in here for sure, so don’t bitch that I didn’t warn you.

I’m just drunk enough to watch “Little Ashes”. I’m going in, bitches.

*

I totally want to do Little ashes Rob and i’ve only seen his eye so far

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Oh rob how could you? Boots? Hair?
boots

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Is he pretending to be asleep?

*

Please leg rob cut his hair and start kissing Frederico Lorca soon

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My ability to decipher Spanish accents while drunk? ZERO

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Awkward Robador.

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Is Robador wearing a top hat? He totes looks like Slash.
slash

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I think Lorca just said he can’t leave Spain because he hates shoes.

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Oohb god the tuck just happened. lm dued [This requires a little translation into soberspeak:  “Oh, God, The TUCK just happened.  I’m dead.”]

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Why the f*ck are Rob’s dalipants so short?
dalipants

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Lorca, we’ve all had impure thoughts about Robador. It’s okay.

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So jealous of the naked model.

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“How do you feel about communal defecation?” GOLd.

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Yum. Shirtless fighting Spaniards.

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“I don’t want to be a ghost.” True dat.

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Cadacques moonlight scene = Isle Esme.
cadacques

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What up with the purple headscarf situation? Ooh, kissing. syl.
scarf

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So, Dali is just not gay, I guess. Would have made a more compelling love scene if he was.

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❤ Lorca’s visions of Dali with topless can-can dancers.

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The “mustache” makes its first appearance. Blerg.

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Dali slaps, then kisses Lorca. Hot. Totally masochistic. I know what’s ving next. :).

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Bald, laughing, painted Robador. Perfect visualization of how I am when I write. [This baffles me.  I do not write while painted, though I do laugh often and shaved my head that one time.]

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This movie is blasted long.

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Paps in Little Ashes totes ironic.

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I know Gala was older than Dali, but this actress easily has 25 years on Rob.

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Did not expect execution scene. Tears. Sad, drunk, wild tears.

So there it is.  I thought “Little Ashes” was a beautiful movie, and The TUCK was quite brief and in context.  I thought Rob did much better than a lot of reviewers gave him credit for as well, and I may or may not be slightly in love with Javier Beltrán now.  Maybe next time I’ll even watch it sober.


*These ladies being JAG at Random Acts of Rob, themoonisdown & unintendedchoice at Letters to Rob (they coined “The Bad Mother’s Handjob” and “The TUCK”, strokes of genius both), Amber at Rob My World, and justfp, justkg and justchristy at Thinking of Rob.  There are more, but these are the ones I go to every day because they’re fucking amazing.

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8 Responses to ““Little Ashes”, in Tweets”

  1. Celebritylife.org Says:

    Celebritylife.org tracking back – “Little Ashes”, in Tweets…

    Celebritylife.org tracking back – “Little Ashes”, in Tweets…

  2. ipunchwerewolves Says:

    “I didn’t plan for this to be a Rob Pattinson blog” – well, confession: I made a firm decision last night to stop robsessing (honestly – my heart is exhausted by longing and my tongue strained because of constant screen-lick) So today, in a seemingly successful attempt to test my self-discipline and will power I ignored LTR/LTT/ROBSESSED/RAoR etc, and instead landed happily here with a cup of my morning coffee… Need I say more? I.LOVE.U. Don’t worry, I’m straight and in a relationship. Being a good girl pays – who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?

    As for Little Ashes – I watched it sober (twice). I loved it, but let’s face it, it could have been better, less dull and pompous, maybe more passionate and poetic. But still, there are nice moments, like the moonlight scene, and the lyrical music… Dali’s dorkiness – palpable. I don’t care what the critics say about Rob’s performance – I go weak at the knees at the mere thought of him.

    Did I say I loved your tongue-in-cheek drunken review?

    • tiffanized Says:

      “tongue strained because of constant screen-lick” Me too. I have to see a specialist about my tonguestrain next week.

      I promise myself every day that I’m not going to look at the blogs, but then I wake up at 4 a.m. totally weak and I look at them anyway. I can only hope that I get weaned off of Rob (that even sounds hot) when he’s hiding out between Remember Me and Eclipse.

  3. Alice-NaA Says:

    Hahaha loved it! Amen to the bottle of wine!

    I ‘m still putting off watching it. But I guess I should give Robador a chance sometime soon.

    • tiffanized Says:

      It wasn’t too bad. I watched some of it again while sober (looking for the screencaps in the post) and it was actually pretty lovely. If you know a lot about Dali, you have to look past some of the historical/affectual inaccuracies, but if you’re like me you’ll just say, “Fuck it, Rob is totally gorgeous.”

  4. tomagiu90 Says:

    Ahah your tweets are amazing 🙂 I’ve seen the movie too and even I wasn’t drunken I had the same thought “Please leg rob cut his hair and start kissing Frederico Lorca soon” 😄

  5. sparknealey Says:

    Recognize you from LTR/LTT (love your posts-so dry) and stumbled upon your blog – amazing. First tme I’ve laughed ’til tears streamed since the horrible realization that Rob went over to the Dark Side (KSchrew humping, porsche-driving, Chateu Marmont skeezin’)….thanks for the review. Your comments killed. I already knew you were a bad Btch wth attitude but you really rock.

    I got interested in Dali thru his work with Schiaparelli and wanted to see the movie – was frightened by the Rob/Michael Jackson-simpering voice.
    Now I’m dying to see it because of your review.

    How did you get those movies in the format for USA?? I want them!

    “I totally want to do Little Ashes Rob and I’ve only seen his eye so far.”
    Funniest thing I’ve read – ever. No one should get this entertained for free. Thanks for making me smile again. Peace.

  6. mountainlion Says:

    “Purple headscarf situation?” If Ralph Lauren saw this scene and didn’t have an orgasm over the fineness of Rob, then nothing will get him off.

    I loved this movie including the scarf, the way HE holds a paintbrush, all tortured kissing scenes, crying…I could go on.

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