Posts Tagged ‘inexplicable relationships’

Some vids have all the suck

June 14, 2010

That’s not true.  I love this video.  I love this song.  I do, however, have some things to say about it, and nothing makes me happier than creating a numbered list.

AHEM.

1.  Red tennis shoes, or maybe deck shoes, on a grown up, presumably straight man.  Even allowing for the fashion clusterfuck that was the eighties, the mind still boggles.

2.  Someone–a director, a manager, a camera guy–decided that despite the lyrics providing the perfect opportunity for a video with a storyline, four straight minutes of Rod Stewart dancing was the way to go.  We can only assume that person had never seen Rod dance.  The jogging in place at 1:58 is a particularly sexy move.

Rod Nylund

Rod Nylund

3.  The hair–is it a mullet?  The mole, which may have its own mullet, but I can’t tell because the video has such low resolution.  The wardrobe choices that decompensate as the video wears on; at one point the man put on a pastel pantsuit that made him look distinctly like Rose Nylund.  And yet, he marries supermodels on a regular basis.

4.  This song contains one of my favorite romantic lines:
You’re just a dream
And as real as it seems I ain’t that lucky.
This may at least partially explain the supermodel wives.

5.  The paint spatters.  The A-Ha “Take On Me” video effects.  The closeups of his bangs.  This is what videography students base their “Video Effects of the 80s” projects on.

6.  A long time ago, you [read: old people like me] would purchase a computer called a Commodore 64, so named because it came with only 64 KB of memory.  Wrap your brain around that shit:  an entire setup–monitor, keyboard, printers, wires–all for 64 KB of memory.  Needless to say, the computers did very little except read floppy disks which held at most about 1.4 MB.  As a point of reference, it would take about three 5 1/2 inch floppies just to hold the mp3 of the song in the video.  Back in those days, there was a program about a little stick dude named Alfredo who couldn’t win for losing.  No matter what he tried to do, he failed, usually spectacularly and heartbreakingly close to achieving his goal.  One of these little sessions was called “Alfredo’s Lost Cause” and the version I had was set to an 8-bit soundtrack of “Some Guys Have All the Luck”.  And that, my friends, is how to make a short story long.

Bonus track:
For reasons that are still shrouded in mystery to me today, as a teenager me and one of my friends were obsessed with Rod Stewart.  We listened to the albums, we giggled and joked, we even went to see him live (I was on painkillers from a dental procedure and freaked out when a giant soccer ball full of confetti exploded above my head).  At some point during this awkward adolescent phase I penned what I still consider to be a fine limerick about Rod Stewart:

There once was a fellow named Rod
Who had a very very nice bod
His legs made me sigh
But his hair made me cry
Because it was so very odd.
© 14-year-old tiffanized

I read this out loud in class.  On an unrelated note, I lost my virginity at a relatively late age.